Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
