Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
