Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
