I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
