What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
whose parrot is this?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
