That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
