We're like a lot better than the average bears
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
