saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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