waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
It was a blind-side dick pic.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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