A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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