so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
