after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
