i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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