I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
That accounts for only three of the penises
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
