let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
