idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Randomize
