i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
