youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
