yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
