I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I think my moral compass just broke
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
