My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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