so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
