we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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