farters have to be the big spoon...
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
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