have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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