i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
