dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
