This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
