I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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