The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
