The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
