I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
