So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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