i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
