I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
