So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
