I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
