And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Randomize
