Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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