she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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