whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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