apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
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