Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Randomize
