How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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