You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
