So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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