Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
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