On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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