My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
No subtext here. People are naked.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
