Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
