I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
We need a shit load of segways right now
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
