Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
