She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
