just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
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