i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
