I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
