you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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