so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
