im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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