i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
