No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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